The Autobiography of Nobody Important

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A list of needed posts.
Need to post about the wedding while I still have solid recollection of things not just inclusive of

faekitty looking astonishingly lovely.

Need to post about the strange experience of

mikalborg's wedding.

Need to do a general update post. Need to post some writing, poetry and additional erotica.

Also, in general I don't vent on LJ. I don't vent all that much in meatspace either. Somewhere, it's programmed into my way of doing things that troubles should flow off me like so much water off a zen umbrella. Unfortunately, my zen is not exactly waterproof. I may need to allow myself to kvetch here... but only to those who genuinely are okay with hearing it... are you one of those?
Poll #1426881 Grumble
Open to: Friends, detailed results viewable to: None

Would you want to be on my bitching/whinging/moaning/complaining filter?

Give me your pain.
24 (100.0%)

Anything else I should post about?

Peace.

A salute to the critters that say "Up yours Darwin!"
While first and foremost I think of

platypusgirl, there are a number of people in my circle of friends fond of penguins and platypi.

So for the sake of those folk, I link the following things:

Sequential Art: A comic about a guy, his penguin/pervert roomie, his catgirl girlfriend, the genius squirrel girl(s) they've taken in, their pet platypus, paranoid computers, fiendish shadow organizations and occasionally ray guns.

Yeah, I think that sums it up. Updated sporadically, 550 strips so far.

Blank It: A recent comic that deals with two guys trapped somewhere. It's weird, occasionally existential and recently introduced talking penguins. Updates like clockwork Mondays and Thursdays.

Learn to Fly: A flash game in which one intrepid penguin wishes to fly like the eagles. This involves rocket packs + trial and error. An enjoyable time waster.

Enjoy. Peace.

Essay elseblog: A treatise on dirty words
I posted an article over on Newsvine that people who read my stuff here might find interesting:

Sick of all this *#@%!! profanity!:
There was a moment when I was just a young lad, sitting and watching M.A.S.H. and enjoying the drama when something I'll never forget happened: Alan Alda cursed.

It was, in a way, life changing. I'd heard bawdy language before, of course. But this was someone on TV saying it. It was all official and stuff. Son of a [female canine] was something you could say on TV.

Peace.

It's someone else's home now.
One of my few memories of my father is him carrying me into 1260 Two Notch Rd*. It was the second place I'd lived in my life and the place that was home base to me throughout adolescence. It's not much to look at and kind of small, two bedrooms a living room, a one and a half butt kitchen and a bathroom that will never appear on Cribs, but it was a house. My house.

Last week, I found out Mom finally was able to sell it.

The sale was a good thing. Since I left home 17 years ago and Mom had moved in with the man who is now her husband, the house had been rented a few times but mostly just sat there. The renters were of varying quality but mostly in the range of "sucked outright" to "sucked less". I was glad that mom didn't have to deal with it anymore. The sale might even mean down the road that Mom can help

faekitty and me get a house of our own.

But....

As I got off the phone and let the news sink in, things started to hit me. That was my home. My father died there. I lost my virginity there. It had been the backdrop to D&D sessions and parties, fights and quiet evenings watching TV, my first really sicknesses and the place where the punk band Kaotic Order recorded their one and only song**. The back yard was the burial place for half a dozen dogs that I should have looked after more carefully and the place I learned how to swing a pair of nunchucks without racking myself. The front yard was where I'd played Batman and Robin with Mark from the next street over, throwing around combs on strings and calling them batarangs. Every corner of the property has some memory associated with it, good and bad.

As much as it was kind of a crap house it was a security blanket, the final space on earth that I could retreat to if everything went to hell. And now, it's gone. I lost one of my safety nets and discovered nostalgia that I didn't know I'd been carrying.

The house, of course, was not what I'd remembered. Mom told me the last tenants had taken the stove and left holes in the walls when part of their payment to stay there was trying to fix the place up. They took the old gas heater, the same one I used to sit on or camp out in front of on winter days; they stole my damn outdated, ceramic and metal teddy bear, the bastards.

Even if we'd kept it, it wouldn't have been the same.

On balance, I know it's better that the house is now being fixed up and will be used by the buyer to finance his kid's education a decade or so down the road. The mom sized holes in the wall, the ones behind the paneling that my uncle Harold help put up***, will be fixed. The peppering of injuries my bedroom floor suffered after I figured out that knives stick in hard wood, they will be sanded out. The inadequate window AC will be replaced by something made in this century. Shortly, it will be a blank slate for some other father to bring some other kid to and start coloring it with their memories and tragedies and triumphs.

But all that said, in an entirely new way, I can't ever go back home. And I'm shocked to find that I might have still enjoyed the option.

Peace.

*Is it bad that with all this nostalgia, I have to trust Google maps to help me approximate the street number?
**Motherfucking Cocksucking Slimeball Pigs... the title and the only lyric!
***My dad could be a real dick. I can still see them, even though they've been covered for over three decades.

Married.
Hey all.

Mostly rested and trying to get back into the swing of things. Have about 90% of the official loose ends tied up. Working on what we can do.

The wedding was wonderful and the reception was a blast. Things went far better than I ever could have hoped and there is no end to the thanks I feel for those that made it happen and to those who just showed up and supported us.

There will be a lost and found list once we unpack. I'm also planning to put up a more full post about the experience once my head is screwed on a bit tighter.

Peace, peoples. *hugs* to you all.

Reading
This past year I've been reading more than usual. Admittedly, my 6 month booklist looks like a light week for many of my friends, but it's actually better than I've done in some years. What I've been reading looks like this:

1) Cannery Row by John Steinbeck: Very rich setting, likeable and relatable characters. No plot to speak of, but that's not the point. I saw a movie adaptation of this book on cable maybe a dozen times when I was a kid. The book was a much different experience. If I have a complaint, it's that the female characters are slightly in the shadow of the male ones.

2) Kushiel's Chosen by Jacqueline Carey: It will take me years to finish this series. And it will be worth it.

3) Alice in Wonderland by Lewis Carrol: Alice is kind of a twit, isn't she?

4) The Trial of Flowers by Jay Lake: Got this for free at Technicon. It was an interesting read, the only flaw of which I found was that the characters seem to have things happen to them more than make things happen.

5) Ron Jeremy: The Hardest (Working) Man in Showbiz: I'm enjoying this. I don't know that I'd say Ron Jeremy is a role model for all young men hoping to make it in the world, but he seems like your weird uncle, the one your mom says to stay away from but won't explain why. Got about another chapter left in it but don't regret picking it up.

6) A Catcher in the Rye by J.D. Salinger: Finished it two days ago and so far no impulse to assassinate a major public figure. The book was interesting on the level of character analysis but I don't know if I "get it".

7) Crooked Little Vein by Warren Ellis: Enjoyable if not mind blowing. Twisted sex and bodily fluids can get to be a little overwhelming.

Not sure what I'm reading next.

Peace.

I'm a geek from the 80's and it shows.
Poll #1403239 It's not like you haven't asked yourself this question before....
Open to: All, detailed results viewable to: All

Cobra Commander?

View Answers

Reflective full face mask like a techno Nazi.
4 (30.8%)

Loose fitting hood draped like a military Goth.
7 (53.8%)

Serpentor!
2 (15.4%)

Epic density
Lucy... in the Sky... with Diamonds.

L... S... D....

How the fuck did I miss that for 37 years? I mean, really!?

Bloody Synchronicity
So on Thursday,

faekitty and I were at Sam's Club accquiring some items for the impending wedding. We were being kind of grouchy with one another (she'd had a seizure earlier that day and a number of other things were not going correctly) but had finally gotten done with our shopping and were getting on about our business, which was about to lead to a pleasant dinner with friends.

As we got into the car, we noticed across the way there was a tween looking girl holding her arm and shaking it as if something unpleasant had just happened to it. Her father was standing next to her, looking through the trunk for something.

I say "You think we should go check on them?"

faekitty points out that we had just accquired something that might be of use to them. So it's decided we'll go check and I walk up and ask "Need one of these?"

I'm holding a rather large first aid kit.

Turns out that the girl had cut her hand on some glass somewhere in the car and was probably going to need stitches. The guy was suprised as we were that our first aid kit was so soon coming into use after its accquistion. We were also happy that it had everything he needed except suture tape, whatever that is.

We went back to the car, our minds reset by having to shift into Good Samaritan mode. Sometimes it's really good to be in the right place at the right time with the right tools. Of course, there is another way to look at it and my lovely wife encapsulated it thus:

"Man... I'm never buying a defibrillator here."

It was a good two minutes before we stopped laughing and drove on.

Kicking things
So I've now attended two, yes two taijutsu classes. So far I'm enjoying it, though there are places I'm having to beat my preconceptions into jar and throw them on the shelf. For instance, when I studied at the Francis Fong academy, they taught us specifically against kicks that required chambering (bringing the thigh up with the knee bent, then kicking out). Here, I'm seeing why they use chambered kicks, namely the technique is better for fine control as opposed to using your leg like a baseball bat. It still bends my head a little.

Last week, we'd practiced a move wherein someone punches at your head and you step forward and to the side, bringing your knee up into them. I wanted to practice this one day, so while I was waiting for something to load I put a medicine ball I keep at work at the end of our conference table (in the same room with the test machines) and then used the ball as a target. After about six or eight repetitions, I turned noticed the thing I was waiting for was done so I turned around and said "Okay, one more time." I stepped forward and brought my knee up but missed the ball.

I did, however, hit the edge of the table. The long, long, like 200 lb table. The resulting grunting, pained laughter and cursing brought one my co workers back to the room.

Looking forward to class tonight. It's the last one I'll probably attend this semester, but apparently the do have some sort of training over the summer. We'll see how it goes.

Status: Two classes, still not a ninja.

Why choose?
The old adage is the pen is mightier than the sword.

What that didn't cover is that when the two breed, you get something that'll kick both their asses:

The TDP-1 Tactical Pen.

If I win the lottery tomorrow, there are number of writers I know who are getting one of these.

Knowing is half the battle. The other half is blowing stuff the hell up.
When I was a kid, I had GI Joes. Not the Barbie stature ones, of course, but the action figures. I never had a huge number, but I had enough to play out battles. I also didn't have many of the vehicles, but I had access to cardboard, tape and toothpicks so my troops were never under equipped.

I remember watching the first GI Joe movie, the one that involves Snake Eyes getting irradiated and I think a global weather control machine. Like everyone else, I complained. Most complained because it was too violent. I complained because they never hit anything.

Of a note, Hasbro recently made an animated GI Joe movie geared towards adults (probably as part of the media package to hype this summers Live Action Joe movie). They got Warren Ellis to write it. There's a certain irony in the fact that in order to take the silliness out of the Real American Hero, they hired someone from Britain.

Before it comes out on DVD, it's coming out in 5 minute blocks on Adult Swim. It's worth checking out. People die in this. Cobra Commander is competent. Srsly.

My favorite GI Joe was Rock N' Roll after he got the ridiculous set of Gatling Guns (each weapon has twin sets of six rotating barrels fed from a backpack. He carries two, one in each hand). I also was fond of the RAM cycle... which had a big Gatling Gun side car. I think I just like Gatling Guns.

I also was always amused that Cobra Troops all carried weapons from the Soviet Block. It was like we were getting to play at killing Commies in the cold war except we could do it and not piss off another country with our toys.

I'm kind of happy to see that Joes are making a comeback, even if in my head I'm thinking "you do realize
these guys shoot guns for a living, right?". One part of me revels for my childhood, another part recoils at the glorification of the industrial military complex.

I wonder if that means I'd be an anarchist if Gatling Guns weren't so damn cool?

Help me kickstart my brain.
In an attempt to spread myself a bit more evenly across the various points of presence I have on the net, I'd like to know what (if anything) you'd like to hear. I don't presume anyone is biting their lip, waiting to know what I'm doing next but I'd also like to not bore the living pants off of anyone. (Fear the living pants).

So to that end:
Poll #1388023 Jump Start me?
Open to: All, detailed results viewable to: None

What should I post about next?

Wedding stuff?
2 (12.5%)

General Update?
2 (12.5%)

Martial Arts?
3 (18.8%)

Something Politcal?
0 (0.0%)

Something involving toys/cartoons/something that discredits my status as adult?
9 (56.2%)

Something else (see comments or box below)?
0 (0.0%)

What filter should I post in next?

Writing
3 (27.3%)

Poetry
3 (27.3%)

Squishy Thoughts
9 (81.8%)

Anything you'd like to tell me? (Comments may be published, commentor will remain anonymous)

Anything you'd like to ask me? (Answers may be published, inquistor will remain anonymous)

Sit down LJ... we have to talk....
My LJ has been remarkably quiet and to those who are on tenterhooks (whatever the hell those are) waiting to find out what's going on my day to day life I offer my most humble apologies.

But the truth is, I've been seeing someone else. I've been dallying elseblog. I have, in fact, been cheating on LJ.

Through a IRL friend, I found Newsvine. It's a news aggregator website that encourages rants/commentary/essays. A fair bit of the writing there is well done and there are some remarkably intelligent and well informed people who offer commentary there. There's also people who carry around three buckets of stupid and aren't ashamed to slosh it.

The thing I'm finding by writing there is where I tend to think of myself as a conservative, I'm finding that I'm really more moderate. Recently I went so far as to describe myself as a pro second amendment moderate fiscal conservative with liberal leanings in matter of civil rights (and drug policy, though I failed to mention that there). This puts me in a minority where commenters are concerned.

If anyone is interested, my nickname there is Lord Fluffy. Here are some links to recent rants:

Hey Idiots with Guns... Knock it Off
Maybe We Should Fail
Torture OK? Ask Hasbro.

I know that this may come as a shock, but I think I'm polyblogious. I know that to make this succeed I have to work on my time management; I don't want LJ to feel neglected, so I'll be better at updating here. But I think I need them both. It's not that it's new, it's just different.

I hope you understand.

It's like Mortal Kombat for Slackers....
Do you dare challenge Lord Fluffy?

Click on the link, enter in a name. The program stats your critter. Then you can send it to attack other critters. There's no gameplay, just point, click and watch them do violence to one another. Cute violence.

Good luck.

If I do'd I get a whoopin... I do'd it.
When

faekitty gets the hiccups, I am not allowed to scare her. This is because the first time she got the hiccups and I was around her to help cure them, we were in a car going down the road at about 3 in the morning and my cure was to scream at the top of my lungs.

She did what might be considered the appropriate thing and stomped on the brakes, turned and began to thwack me. Since then, I have abstained.

Tonight, she got wall-shaking, wake-the-neighbors level hiccups. They were coming in rapid succession and I wanted to do something. But what to do?

I came downstairs and said something. She turned around and asked "Why do you want to mess with me like that?" I said, "If it cures your hiccups, then it's worth a shot."

She looked at me in surprise and then looked away and waited. The hiccups did not return. I began to grin like an idiot. She began laughing and explaining how much trouble I was in.

I managed to scare her hiccups away with the phrase, "Hey, I want to invite 30 more people to the wedding."

I'm in so much trouble. But I still win.

Will the be there for the end?
Poll #1372611 T-con?
Open to: All, detailed results viewable to: All

Are you attending?

View Answers

No
11 (52.4%)

Yes
10 (47.6%)

So... how about it?

You have too much free time, right?
If you've never checked out Kongregate.com, I recommend doing so. They do free flash games well and I've had more positive experiences there seeking out time wasters than I've had unpleasant. Some of the games are kind of juvenille, others are meh, but a lot of them are awesome.

Case in point: Kongai, a free online "collectable card" game. You have 3 card "decks", which are comprised of three character cards and can also include up to 3 item cards equipped to the characters. You choose attacks, defenses, etc. It's as much strategy as it is anything else and also trying to guess your opponents actions.

I've been having fun with it. The game is pretty kid friendly, which is a plus though the worst thing I've had happen is someone being immature in his trash talk while playing (there's a chat).

Don't thank me. Just don't blame me when you find yourself saying "One more game" and an hour has passed.

Room for TCon?
Anyone need crash space for Technicon next weekend? Our guest room is available.

Peace.