Stephen (sir_alf) wrote,

Mortality and odd sensations

Around Thanksgiving, I was sitting in the living room and had a moment where my chest felt funny. I couldn't quite catch my breath, it felt like, even though I seemed to have no trouble breathing. I felt a little weak and dizzy and decided to stay sitting for a bit. The feeling persisted for awhile. It disappeared after a night's sleep but came back again the next day.

I started watching my body's sensations and noticed a few twinges in my left arm. At this point I wasn't sure if it was something I should be concerned about or if my mind was beginning to inform my body what symptoms I should display in order to get myself really good and scared. But I didn't go to the hospital or anything. I resigned I would if it persisted until that Monday. It didn't and I went about my merry way.

Until this past Sunday, a week and a half later. The feeling came back and I had definite numbness in my left arm and a pain in the left side of my neck when I stretched it. I still wasn't prepared to go to the hospital. I've felt all these sensations independently before, I have other things that could be causing them (a hernia in my diaphragm and new muscle tension from learning to play guitar). So I continued to not go to the doctor.

faekitty, however, was sufficiently freaked out that she suggested that I go if I still had it going on the next day and to use her new doctor who has proven not to suck. I was sufficiently freaked enough that I agreed. I woke up feeling fine, started having the symptoms later in the day, called the doctor and they made an appointment for me that day.

My blood pressure, blood oxygen level, pulse, breathing, EKG and throat XRays all appeared okay. I'm no Prilosec now for acid reflux and going back in a couple of Monday's for a check up.

I realize that I don't have absolute control over my mortality. I don't live such a crazy life that a heart attack at 39 would seem completely understandable but I also recognize that I'm not invulnerable either. I'm not afraid of dying as such but I'm in no hurry to make it happen. I still have a lot to do and being the procrastinator I am, I've just started doing alot of it.

This was a little freaky, but it was a reminder for me to get some stuff done. I've got a legacy to build still and I'm about 15 years behind where I'd like to be.
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